Ask tough questions dating
Instead, you have to learn about your prospective date purposefully, by asking some pretty direct questions.Because of the anonymous nature of online dating, there is room for intimacy and freedom of expression in both asking and answering questions.
In the online world, there is no opportunity to gather information about a person naturally, as you would with someone you go to school with or work beside.Rationale: Does s/he have any big plans for dramatic life changes you don’t know about? Rationale: Is the person excessively dependent, needy, or incompetent, or does s/he perceive themselves that way? Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Note: Of course there are other important dating questions related to finances, children etc but I wanted to make a list of psychology-related dating questions. Rationale: Does s/he have grit (which is important for success)? Is s/he going to be good at repairing your bond after you’ve had an argument? Do you know when you’re feeling hurt, lonely, sad, ashamed/embarrassed etc?Assuming that you are kicking things off right by lying down together in a distractions free room, it’s always good to ask if your partner needs anything before you start leaning into the heavier stuff.Just like symphony orchestra members tune to each other before they play a concert, you and your partner might need to touch base before you get in to the good stuff. Do you ever have a hard time accepting No when you want something? i.e., they think others are attacking them when in fact they are not. Do you ever have a sense of being a failure as a person? Rationale: Does the person have emotional self-awareness?
Rationale: Is s/he entitled, disrespectful or needy? If you weren’t doing the job you’re doing now, what would you like to do? Rationale: Is s/he erratic, dysregulated or impulsive-in-a-bad-way? Do you feel confident about your ability to solve everyday problems that come up? Without emotional self-awareness, people can’t easily communicate when they need caring, and that tends to cause problems in relationships. To make an awesome relationship even better, these are great resources for giving your relationship a tune-up.
For best results, clear all distractions from your environment.
Turn off your phones, close the laptops, and switch off the TV.
Dr Alice Boyes is a former clinical psychologist turned writer.
She is author of The Anxiety Toolkit (2015), published by Tarcher Perigee, an imprint of Penguin Random House.
They might want to have as little communication as possible for the first few minutes as they settle in to their new environment.