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Dating adult stepdaughter

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Lorain, a reader of my monthly E-Magazine for stepfamilies, wrote asking how she might strengthen her relationship with her 19, 24, and 26 year-old stepchildren.

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Answer: Your grandchildren have seen "no cellphones" in movie theater previews, in checkout lines, in medical offices; they've managed limits and bans in school; they've ridden in cars behind other cars with bumper stickers saying, "No text on board." These notices were not posted by the League of Cantankerous Old People, but instead by adults of all ages who would like to enjoy their movies or do their jobs or not get T-boned at an intersection by some idiot sending a text.From there things have continued to go downhill at a rapid pace.” Lorain’s experience is not uncommon, nor is her idealistic assumption that a marriage with adult children who no longer live in the home will not be impacted by the dynamics of loss and loyalty.Thankfully, adult children and stepparents do not have the same power battles that younger stepfamilies experience because the stepparent is not trying to get the children to pick up their socks or choose better friends.The salt in the wound is my husband's going along with it. You don't have to stick with your own version of events, though.His not taking a stand in regard to my presence leaves me wounded. You can instead choose to look at it from the daughter's perspective.SEE ALSO: He Said-She Said: Talking About Remarriage As an older parent and stepparent you must realize that adult stepchildren—despite their age—frequently feel: As a new couple you must apply patience and understanding to these strong emotions. When confronted with difficult responses from adult children, assume a humble position and listen to their fears and concerns.

Accept them where they are and try to be responsive to their needs for information (especially about financial matters), emotional contact, and time as they adjust to yet another family transition they didn’t seek out.

Or, if you were robbed of this experience for some reason, can't you see how it could be helpful and important? She might want to speak to him about something in confidence; one-on-one typically does mean one-on-specific-one vs. Even if you don't like these two views or don't think they're applicable here, I hope you can see what they have in common: They're not a criticism of you, they're not about getting away from you, they're not about you, period. In families where no one questions who belongs, this spinning off into subgroups for any number of reasons isn't given a second thought.

You could also look at it from your husband's perspective. A major holiday or her wedding, OK, get upset, but this is an hour of one parent with one kid.

His oldest daughter cried loudly through the entire wedding ceremony.

A few months later one of the children asked how my husband’s will was structured implying that I shouldn’t get anything.

Question: My 26-year-old stepdaughter recently sent a text to her father asking for some "daddy time." She asked whether they could meet for breakfast and specifically asked her father not to bring me. If she were 12, I'd probably be OK with it, but she's not.