Dating someone who has lost a child
Email [email protected], or give us a call at (860) 348-3376, and you can record your story in your own words. S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.Please be sure to include your name and phone number.
But some offers of support may be more useful than others.The loss on Monday of Robin Williams, one of our most beloved comedic legends, came as a shock to fans, who mourned his death both publicly and privately.But of course their devastation does not even come close to that felt by the friends and family who knew him best.We’re all deeply involved, we’re all relationship-based.We need some time by ourselves to breathe maybe, but we also need to be with other people -- and that doesn’t mean speaking. Being in the same room, knowing that someone is around." Offer help in practical ways. Are there people you want me to call for you to explain what has happened? "Practical things that are just too much for a person to cope with, whether they’re just everyday chores or emotionally demanding activities." Be patient, don't rush them, and stick to the tangible things that make their day-to-day living that much more manageable."Saying something kind and positive about somebody is a way to make a positive connection through someone who’s lost." In her statement to the New York Times' Dave Itzkoff, Susan Schneider, Williams' wife, said, "As he is remembered, it is our hope that the focus will not be on Robin's death but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he gave to millions." In this respect, death by suicide is treated no differently than any other cause.
Spend time talking about how great of a person they were to be around, how they lit up any room they walked into, how they were truly reliable and trustworthy.
"The comfort is putting your arm around somebody’s shoulder, giving them a hug, or enabling them to feel able to cry or run through the millions of thoughts in their head as they try to figure out what just happened.
That’s really where the comfort comes from." Give them space, but not too much.
As a neighbor or as a coworker, you try and let the moment be as normal as possible.
If it's picking up kids from a soccer game, that means asking how the game went. When the person is ready to open up to you, genuinely acknowledging the tragedy they are experiencing goes a long way.
"You could be in the next room, saying, 'I’m here if you need me, I’m just going to go make some coffee,'" said Sederer.